Sisters Share A Bond Forever
Dedicated to my sister,Mary
Happy Birthday Sis!
May 18th, 2001

The moment we met the attachment was instant
A bond that gives the young heart a whirl.
When you were but a crying infant
And I a big sister, but just a young girl.

Though occasionally our house was filled with quibblings
Our childhood was spent in laughter and play.
Together with our houseful of siblings
Until Heaven called our blessed Mother away.

For many years I knew not where you were
The love in my heart beckoned from afar.
For that a voice inside me had a cure
Now I know exactly where you are.

My opportunity to reunite with you
Was a Blessed gift sent from Heaven above.
Together we have felt His promising words ring true
We've been given another chance to share our love.

I thank our gracious Lord for returning to me
My dearest sister and my best friend.
I know you'll forever be close to me
A part of my life unto the end.

Through stories of laughter sometimes filled with tears
We put loss and separation of the past in its place.
We have captured the love between sisters in recent years
Our lives are now filled with friendship, by His grace.

Together we laugh and often we cry
Occasionally getting angry, too.
But we never dare to question why
We're able to cheer each other when blue.

We've formed a sisterly bond that is everlasting
Sharing all that the world gives us or takes away.
We know a friendship that rings eternal and is unending
The love we've always had for each other is in our life to stay.

I give to you, my dear sister Mary
On this your very own special day,
The love that only a big sister can carry
And a bit o' sunshine is sent your way.
©2001 Ruth Cox

Now that you and your son are returning home
I find that I am finally able to write to you.
I have not written you a letter since your tragedy began.
I didn't know what to say to you.
I knew that nothing I would say could make you feel better
or change what had happened to your child.
Nor could I bring myself to say something that may upset you
if my words came out wrong or you interpreted them
to mean something other than what I had intended.
Our relationship as sisters, friends, confidantes and soul mates
has become so special to me that I would do nothing to jeopardize it and
I pray that nothing ever will.
To that everlasting bond I dedicate this letter of love:


MISSING YOU My Dearest Sister, Mary

I was sitting cross legged on the living room floor awaiting your arrival.
Mommy was bringing you home from the hospital.
You entered through the front door wrapped in a plain white baby blanket.
Mommy immediately bent down and put you in my arms and introduced you,
"Here's your new baby sister, Mary Kathryn."
I uncovered your tiny face to look into your eyes
and smooth your soft dark hair.
Then I laid you on your blanket in front of me. You cried.
I looked up at our mother and said, "Take her back. She's ugly."

At that moment in time you were ugly - to me.
You were wailing like a sick cat.
You weren't really ugly; you were a beautiful baby girl.
I was a tired little girl, only six years old.
I saw you as another crybaby for me to take care of,
as I did the sister and two brothers who had arrived before you.
There would be more dirty diapers and smelly bottles to wash and fill.
And all that crying!
You were such an unhappy baby, needing so much of my attention.

Eventually you outgrew the crying and I grew to love you.
Mommy really loved you too.
You crawled along behind me all over the house and in the yard.
I remember one time I was washing dishes and you
crawled out the kitchen door onto the concrete stoop,
down the steps into the flower bed along the back of the house.
Just then Mommy came into the kitchen and looked out the window
to see you sitting right smack dab in the middle of her petunia patch!
Boy was I in trouble! She ran out, scooped you up and said,
"Oh my Petunia! You're just my little Tuny Bug!"
Well, that was that, Mommy had given you a nickname that would stick.

About the time you were learning to walk,
one of our older brothers had a lamb for a 4-H project.
That lamb would follow you all over the yard and right
into the house through the kitchen door!
Mommy and I and all the kids were constantly singing,
"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..."
A childhood song that would make me think of you every time
I heard it in the years to come.

I'll never forget the first time in my life that I missed you.
Mom and Dad were fighting again.
Mom threatened to take us kids and leave him.
He took me to Grandma Gang's so she wouldn't, or so he thought.
He was my stepfather and figured
Mom would not leave without me, but she did.
She took all of you to Grandma and Grandpa Cox's house.
I was allowed no contact with any of you and missed you all terribly,
but especially you, my baby.
Who would care for you as I had?
Who would understand your need
for more attention than the others and give it to you?
Fortunately, this separation would last only for a few weeks for
Grandpa Cox died during this time and soon
after his funeral we all got back together.

A couple of babies and a couple of years later Mom and Dad divorced.
Life with Mom seemed to be a little better.
Mom had a new boyfriend who moved us all to south Florida.

Then another man,
who would be the reason you and I would be separated again.
I was much older now, sixteen, and the many forms of abuse
I had suffered over the years had taken their toll.
With this new male in Mom's life the abuses returned.
The decision to run away weighed heavily on my mind.
But I saw no other way to change the situation
I could no longer endure.
I missed all of you immensely and
I knew that Mom and you kids must be suffering by my disappearance...
and by the many forms of abuse I had left behind.
I would be told years later how you and the others resented me for leaving.

A few months later I returned to the area.
When I became a teenage pregnancy statistic and
I was a month or so from childbirth I returned home...
I wanted my Mommy!
I wonder if my son knows how fortunate he was to have you and his other young
Aunts and Uncles as his constant companions
for the first several months of his life!
Then, the abusiveness became more than I could bear and I left again,
which broke my heart because I knew...that is another story.

About a year later, you all moved right down the street from me,
but we weren't allowed to see each other much.
Mom's man, now her husband,
wouldn't let you see me or my son unless I came to the house,
which I would rarely do.
Occasionally you would sneak by on your way home from school
to visit for a few minutes and that eased my longing to see you.

One day I was nervous as the devil all day,
in "premonition mode" as I used to call it.
Still have them, as did our mother.
About five in the morning, as I still lay awake, the dreaded phone call came.
Mom was dead...that, too, is another story.

I would have my "babies" through Christmas and New Year's
Then you would be whisked from my life for a long, long time.
My God, how I missed you!
How my heart ached for all of us being torn apart by our mother's death.
You were allowed no contact with me
because you were taken by your real father.
Here again, my dearest sister, you would risk extreme punishments
to sneak away and call me occasionally or somehow mail me a letter.
Then contact stopped for months.
I was so worried about you that
I called our Uncle Bill in Ohio and told him to call your
Dad and make sure you were all okay.
A few notes to me and to our grandmother and then another call...
...your father had died.
I flew to Texas to be with you all and questioned your stepmother intensely.
She promised me you kids would be fine, she would finish raising you;
she was very reassuring.
What else could I do but let her keep you together?
One by one you all left home, as quickly as you could.

By now you all had lives of your own in Texas and I was in Florida.
I had no contact with any of you for a long time.
Then you enlisted in the Air Force, at age seventeen,
and soon you were stationed in Florida.
We spent the next couple of years seeing each other fairly often.
Then off to Germany you went for years - gone again!

Every few months, one of us would call the other,
usually when something was wrong,
even if we didn't feel close enough to actually say so.
I cherished the contact, yet as you know,
it was also painful for me because
it never felt real to me - I still missed you.
And I still didn't have contact with the rest of my family.
When you came home to the states you visited me for a couple of days.
That was wonderful, but saddened me also. The time was too short.

Twenty three years after our mother's death
I would receive a blessed message from God.
I believe I was told,
"You are going to die soon,
but I will give you the opportunity
to reconnect with your family and your son, first."
I was on a mission!
One opportunity after another and finally we were reunited!

You and the boys visited for a week and then
we drove to Ohio to visit some of our long lost relatives.
We spent hundreds of dollars on the telephone each month
planning a family reunion,
which culminated in seventy five family members
getting together in Ohio!
You and I became inseparable, miles couldn't keep us apart;
we had telephones and computers and the post office!

Then, another dreaded phone call.
Your ten year old son, Nathan, was hit by a car.
This past three months I have missed my dearest sister
more than ever before in my life.
How Nathan's accident has touched my heart for you my dear sister.
I have ached for you and for Nathan.
I wished I could be there to remove your pain and your fear.
I wished it were me, not you,
wondering whether my child would live or die.
I will forever regret not jumping on a plane to be by your side
the moment I heard of Nathan's accident.
I wonder if you will ever forgive me
for not coming to you immediately.
Will I ever forgive myself?
I have asked myself a million times why I hesitated,
why I let finances and my own problems keep me from you
at the time you needed me most.
I have no answers to these questions,
just rationalizations, reasons, excuses.

The distance between us was excruciating for me.
Not so much the miles, more the feelings.
For a long time I felt like you were gone.
When I would call, even if you felt like answering the phone,
it wasn't you.
Where was my happy, fun-loving, best friend?
I couldn't help wondering if you would ever return.
Selfishly I longed for the exchange of cards, letters, photos,
gifts and telephone calls that had become so much a part of my daily life.
I was truly suffering "Mary withdrawal,"
as I have come to call it whenever we miss a day or two of contact.
Nothing and no one could replace what I had lost.

I prayed for God to embrace you and Nathan,
to remove your pain and fear.
I asked the world to pray for you, literally, via computer.
Slowly the prayers were answered.
Nathan awoke from his coma,
was transported to another hospital and began to heal.
You were now closer to our brother, Johnny, and his family.
I calmed, knowing he would care for you as I would have done.

Slowly, as though you were keeping pace with Nathan's progress,
you returned to me.
A phone call one day, an email a few days later, a card in the mail...
...my dearest sister was on her way back to me.

Next week you and your son are going home!
This, my dearest sister, is my welcome home gift to you.

And this is my prayer for you:

Sweet Jesus, you are a most powerful Lord.
I thank you for the gift of life
you have so graciously given to my nephew Nathan.
I thank you for your footprints in the sand
as you carried my dear sister
Mary through this time of pain and suffering.
I come to you with the request that in the days and weeks ahead that
You will wrap your everlasting arms around Mary and Nathan,
granting them both full recovery from this accident.
As they return home this week...
Dear Lord,
carry them both as they struggle
through the stages of rehabilitation.
I pray this is Thy Will, Sweet Jesus.
Amen.

© 2001 Ruth Norman



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